A Is For ADD
by TurtleMAR07
Summary: YES, IT'S BACK! WAHAHA! I'll add a new chapter sometime this week. A crack story for every letter of the alphabet! PLEASE READ. and review. If you don't review, I'll be forced to take this off again. YES, I HAVE ADD. deal with is. LMAO.
1. A is for ADD

**QUACK EXPERIMENTAL FANFICTION PRESENTS:**

**A IS FOR ADD**

**A Is For ADD**

**Ok, If you've read my bucket O' Parodies story, you'd know that it is finished. If you Haven't, go read and review it too, please! This is a crackfic story. Each is about something random that begins with each letter of the alphabet. Please, please, PLEASE review! Now, let me introduce my muses for this chapter!**

**Aryn: ME again! Mar didn't have it in her heart to get rid of me.\**

**Brandi: Hi! I'm here too. MAR, WHY DID YOU END BUCKET O' PARODIES?? WHYYYYYY???**

**Armstrong: Yes, I will graciously aid Miss Marilyn and her other muses in this totally random story that will cause you to lose a few brain cells!**

**Al: I'm only here because Mar pities me. I'm not loved! **

**ANIMEADDICT333 IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR LOST OR DAMAGED BRAIN CELLS!**

**---**

"HEYYYYYYY ROY!" Shouted Ed as he walked through Roy Mustang's office doors.

"FULLMETAL! I thought I banned you from coming in here ever since you ate my pocket watch and sang that ridiculous song in German!

"Welllll…I WANNA COME IN HERE!" said Ed.

"Ugh, fine. What do you need?"

"Well, first of all I…Ohhhhhh! Is That coke? If that's coke, someone get me some mentos! I need some mentos!" Ed ran around the room screaming about mentos as Riza walked in.

"Oh, hello Edward. Here." She said handing him the mentos and leaving.

"YAAAYYY! MENTOS!"

"FullMetal, what was it you wanted to tell me?" Asked Roy for the second time.

"Oh, yeah that. Well you see, I…OMG I'M GONNA MIX THE COKE AND MENTOS!"

"NOT IN MY OFFICE!" But it was too late. Ed had already dumped the whole thing of mentos into the coke. Coke go BOOM. Roy had taken to liberty of hiding under his desk but Ed was just standing there looking at the explosion. He stood there and watched as the coke/mento mixture flew into the air in slow-motion as the star-spangled banner played in the background. And then he realized that the sticky…stuff was gonna fall all over him and get his pet gerbil that he was hiding in his pocket wet. So he did the only thing he could think of. He picked up Black Hayate and bellowed:

"KYAHHHHH! HAYATE POWAHHHHHHH!" Flinging the poor dog into the sky to keep the liquidy stuff off of him. But it wasn't the best idea. Hayate had been coated in coke/mentos and was now plastered to the ceiling. Ed had still gotten drenched but was now twirling around humming 'Singing In The Rain.'

Roy got out from under his desk and looked from Ed to Hayate plastered on the ceiling. And then around at his ruined office.

"FULLMETAL! WHAT THE HELL?! THAT'S IT! I'M ORDERING YOU TO CLEAN THIS UP, MAKE ME LUNCH EVERY DAY, DO MY PAPERWORK, AND CHISEL RIZA'S DOG OFF THE CEILING!"

"Awwwww. I was having fuuunnnnn!"

Roy had calmed down by now, though Ed was still not off the hook.

"Now, Ed, What was it you wanted to tell me?"

"OH YEAH! I have ADD."

**---**

**Me:Well? What did you think? Should I continue or give it up completely? Review and let me know! I promise it will get better! I have a few ideas for later chapters if you guys want me to keep going. **

**Armstrong: yes, Review and make us all happy!**

**Brandi: .:sicks Greed on Aryn:. **

**Aryn: NOOOOOOO! GET I'M OFFFFF!**

**Brandi: Ah, this never gets old!**

**Aryn: .:Rolls on the floor with Greed still attached to her:.**


	2. B is for Bologna Baloney?

**QUACK EXPERIMENTAL FANFICTION PRESENTS:**

**A IS FOR ADD**

**B is For Bologna (Baloney?)**

**.:Keysmashes:.**

**I'm SO SORRYYYYYY! I haven't updated in awhile! I had things to do, and I couldn't get off my lazy ass to write the chapter. Forgive meeeeeeeeeeeeee!!! **

**Roy: You'd BETTER be sorry! Making me,,.I mean US wait like that! Yeah. I don't give a rat's ass about this story! Abandon it for all we care! .:is shot by the few people who actually like this story:. **

**Aryn: FEW? I bet many people like it!**

**Me: Well, no one reviews so I don't think anyone likes it.**

**Brandi: REVIEW PEOPLE! Pweeeeeezeeee! **

**Chelle: On with the story!!!!**

**Me: When did you get here?**

**Chelle: .:evil grin:. Wouldn't you like to know?**

**---**

"I…I…I've done it! I've done it! WAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I actually did it!" Yelled a very happy Alphonse Elric.

"Did what, Al?" Asked his brother Ed.

"I BOUGHT THE ENTIRE EBAY CORPORATION!" Yelled Al. **(See Bucket O' Parodies chapter 2)**

"…"

"EDWARD! I'm still waiting for my pocketwatch!"

"SHUT IT Mustang! It's still somewhere in my internal organs! Just be patient!"

"I still don't understand how I'm the Flame Alchemist without my watch." He tried snapping his fingers but all that came out was one of those little flags in the old looney tunes shows that says 'Bang.'

"NOOOOOO! I'VE BECOME A MORTALLLLLL! PH34R M333333333!" **(YAY! Nerd talk! It says "phear Meeeeee" If you didn't understand XD)**

Meanwhile while a bunch of military officers that popped out of God knows where were laughing at this, Ed realized something. 'OMG!' he thought. 'I'm an Anime character! That means I can pull stuff out of nowhere!' So he reached behind his back and sure enough, pulled a bologna **(Baloney?) **sandwich out of freaking nowhere and started eating it.

"Ed, where did you get that?" Asked Havoc smoking 18,3473,347,346,8y8s3.hubbabubba,472.0183 cigarettes at once.

"I pulled it out of nowhere."

"COOL! I want to pull out…WRATH!" Shouted Havoc. He reached behind his back and pulled out Wrath.

"LEMME GO YOU BASTARD!"

"COOL! I got a Wrath!" As Havoc started to do…things…to Wrath, King Bradley cam crashing through the ceiling.

"YAHHHHHH! Look in the sky! It's _SUPER KENSHIN!!!!!"_ Shouted Bradley as he came through the air dressed like kenshin from Rurouni Kenshin. He zoomed down and snatched away Al and Ed's bologna **(baloney?) **sandwich.

"OH NO HE DI'INT!" Ed shouted at Bradley.

Al heard this and was overjoyed that his brother was coming to rescue him. Until…

"OH NO YOU DI'INT TAKE AWAY MY BOLOGNA **(Baloney?) **SANDWICH! I'LL MAKE YOU PAAAAAYYYYYY!"

Everyone sweatdropped and Al started crying. 'My Brother cares more about a slice of processed lunch meat than he cares about me!' he thought/whined to himself.

And because I'm running out of stuff to put in this chapter, here comes Ling and Hughes!!!!! Ling and Hughes blasted into the room 'cuz Sloth had fired them out of a cannon. **(YAY cannons!)**

"OHHHHH! My bologna **(baloney?) **has a first name! It's O-s-c-a-r My baloney has a last name! It's M-a-y-e-r! I love to eat it nigh and day and if you ask me why I'll saaaaaaaaaayyyyyy, 'CUZ OSCAR MAYER® HAS A WAY WITH B-O-L-O-G-N-A!" **(B-A-L-O-N-E-Y?)**

But to everyone's dismay** (YAY fancy word!) **They sang again…

"I wish I was an Oscar Mayer® Weiner! That is what I truly want to be! 'Cuz if I was an Oscar Mayer® Weiner, Everyone would be in love with me!"

"OMG! ED JUST PUKED UP MY POCKETWATCH!" Screamed Roy suddenly. It turns out Rose had snuck up and kissed him and the nastiness of her made him vomit. Ewww…And this author is out of Ideas…so yah…ROLL CREDITS!

**---**

**Brandi: Roy, I don't think you want your watch back though…**

**Roy: Yeah…**

**Aryn: That was one weird chapter! BUT U UPDATED! YAAAAAY! But I really wanna do this… .:Puts on Kenshin outfit:. It's a Bird! It's a plane! NO! It's SUPER KENSHIN!!!!! Teho**

**Chelle: You're turning into Shelby..**

**Me: Ok, new rule. I will not update unless I get at least 5 reviews for this chapter. Because I think that a review says that you like the story enough to take 2 minutes out of your time to review. Of u don't review then I think u don't like the story. And a review IS NOT something that says 'Cool. Update soon.' I am asking for a complete sentence or 2? Or more? Please? Is it that hard?**

**Well, UNTIL NEXT CHAPPIE, MA PEEPZ! **


	3. C is for Chinchilla

**Roy: Uhhhhhh….yeahhhh…..PH34R M3!**

**QUACK EXPERIMENTAL FANFICTION PRESENTS:**

**A IS FOR ADD**

**C Is For Chinchilla**

**Me: .:Hacks up lung:.**

**Brandi: Yeah, Mar has been kinda sickly…We've counted that she has approximately 4 internal organs left in her body.**

**Aryn: So while Mar sorts out her organs, here is chapter 3! WHEEE!**

**remialcsiD: AMF seod ton gnoleb ot 333tciddAeminA. fI ti did, llew…uoy t'nod annaw og ereht. dnatsrednU?**

**Me: That was fun to type. Can u read it? If you can read what it says, U get a shout-out next chappie! I'm gonna come up with creative ways to do disclaimers from now on! Oh and this is the real chapter 3. Hehe. APRIL FOOLS! HAHAHAHA! Sorry for all you angst lovers. I think I'm gonna get killed soon. That was a sick joke. Sorry. **

**---**

It was Christmas time. The time of love and joy, and joyness, and giving, and all that crap we don't care about! But Ed was delighted with his present this year. For one thing, he got a break from scraping Black Hayate off of the ceiling. But he also got the most wonderful present any little boy could have…0o…oops…

_We interrupt this message to say that since Edward is mauling the author, we have just posted this to waste time seeing as this is a fanfic and nothing can actually be seen. Haha guys.Haha._

"OMFG! I got a chinchilla! A chinchilla! I'm going to love it, and squezze it and call him Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart! I will now squeeze him until his eyes pop out!" So Ed proceeded to squeeze the living daylights outta Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart until his little eyes bugged out of his head. But of course, what would this story be without:

"IT'S SUPER KENSHIN!" But Bradley didn't get a chance to finish because Winry shot him down with her cat launcher.

So Ed thought he would take Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart out for a walk. But never let Ed take stuff out for a walk. He was walking down the street dragging Wolfgang along behind him. Yes, dragging. But then a Rotweiler saw him and started to run after Wolfgang which made Ed run and run and run, still dragging the poor chinchilla behind him.

While he was skipping along with (dragging) Wolfgang, he began singing the opening lines to Excel Saga.

"ACROSS! ACROSS! ACROSS! ACROSS!" etc…

Then he got to the Hughes' house. When Maes opened the door, Ed held up (what remained of) Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart. "Look what I got for Christmas, Hughes!"

"Um, Ed, who sent you a lump of fur and indescribable sticky stuff?" said Hughes looking at the rather messed up chinchilla.

"Whaddya mean? It's a chinchilla! His name is Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart!" Ed was apparently oblivious to his pet's slight deformency problem. Well, aren't they all?

"Um, Ed? Why don't you let me take care of Wolfgang here while you go and do…stuff…"

"OK! Take good care of him Hughes! I don't want him getting hurt or anything!"

"Right, Ed." So with that, Maes took the poor abused animal into his house. And boy did it look grateful.

_1 week later…_

"HUGHEEEEEES! I'm here to pick up Wolfgang!" ed said bursting through the door. But there was no one home.

'I wonder why?' Ed thought in a tone very much like Excel's from Excel saga. So Ed ventured up to their room hoping to find Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart up there somewhere.

"WOLFGANG! I'M HERE FOR YOU MY WITTLE **(Damn, I typed Wittle again didn't I?) **BALL OF FLUFFY-WUFFY CUTENESS!" Screamed the little Alchemist, which made that yell totally disproportional to his size. **(Oh yeah, 5-syllable word, baby!)**

"Ed! What the hell are you doing here? It's effing 1:43 in the morning! Can't you come…oh, say…in 11 hours?"

"NOPE! I WANTED TO SEE MY WITTLE **(Damn) **WOLFANG AS SOON AS POSSIBLE! AND BESIDES, I'M ON THE CAFFIENE PATCH! EACH PATCH IS EQUIVALENT TO 122 CUPS OF COFFEE!" (**The caffeine Patch! Now available at your local caffeine patch store! While supplies lasts! Call toll-free at 555-666-7777!)**

"Why are you screaming?"

"BECAUSE EXCEL IS MY ROLE MODEL AND I'M WEARING 1,344,382 CAFFIENE PATCHES WHICH IS EQUAL TO 164,014,604** (thank you calculators!) **CUPS OF COFEE! SO GIMME WOLFGANG AMADEUS MOZART!"

so Hughes went to get said chinchilla who had made one of those weird anime recoveries and was not messed up anymore. And you could've sworn that when it saw Ed again, you could hear a chinchilla jumping off of a 20 story building.

And somewhere on the other side of town, Envy was torturing Wrath but 2 girls, one with a glowing pink sword, and the other with a ninja at her side, came and mauled his gay ass. So ha ha Envy. Ha ha

**Me: ok yeah. I love chinchillas, really. I do. But I had to. And the caffeine patch was not my idea either so yeah. It's from a movie. **

**Peggy: hi! I'm a new muse! I WAS IN THE STORY!**

**Aryn: So, Mar, you're replacing us?**

**Brandi: le gasp! Le gasp, by the way was Mar's invention. **

**Me: NO! I ain't replacing you guys! Why would I want to get rid of you? .:hides chainsaw:.**

**Peggy: Here's the list. **

**Aryn: you made a list?!**

**Brandi: Oi…**

**Me: Ehhh…welllllll….BYE! .:runs like hell:.**

**Roy: Does anyone care about me?**

**Me, Aryn, Peggy, Brandi, and the rest of the world: NO!**

**JK! We love you roy! .:huggles:;**

**WOW, my authors notes are getting long…**

**REVIEW OR DIEEEEEEEE! And sorry about the mean April Fool's joke. I hope I didn't lose too many readers. **


	4. D is for Dog Pound

**Roy: I wanna do it!**

**Me: no**

**Roy: PUH-LEEEEZE???**

**Me: ugh…fine.**

**Roy: YAY! -clears throat-QUACK EXPERIMENTAL FANFICTION PRESENTS: **

**CHAPTER 14, D IS FOR DOG POUND**

**Me: -whispering- chapter 4, retard!**

**Roy:-corrects himself- CHAPTER 4, RETARD.**

**Aryn: OK, Mar is really sorry that she hasn't updated in awhile, right Mar?**

**Me: Yeah, sorry.**

**Brandi: You better be! **

**Peggy: Oh well, here's the next chapter.**

* * *

"Hi, everyone! I'm Alphonse Elric! And from Central Headquarters, it's TOTALLY EDWARD!"

"Totally!" said Ed.

Then Ed proceeded with his little ramble (while speaking in a slow, lazy person voice). "Ok, so my brother and I wanted to resurrect our mom…and so we did…but it failed…and I was like, unconscious…and I looked around for Al…but I couldn't see him…'cuz there was all this mist…so I was like 'hey, Al, where did you go?'…but when the mist cleared up…there was this thing…and I was like 'ahhhhhh' and I was like, 'Al, where are you?'…but Al was gone…" said Edward.

"And that was TOTALLY EDWARD!" exclaimed Alphonse.

"Totally!" –Ed

Suddenly, Roy cam in (well, because they were in his office) and saw Ed dressed in hippie clothes. Well because Eric Cartman from South Park hates hippies, he popped out of thin air and killed Ed with bear mace. So then Winry threw him into the Great Will of the Macrocosom from Excel Saga. So then he came back to life and I threw Cartman into gluttony's stomach. So because Ed is now alive, this last paragraph was completely pointless but I just needed something to fill the space.

"Ed, why are you dressed as a hippie in my office?" Asked Roy. A perfectly reasonable question, don't you think? Because there are questions that are dumb and questions that…**(Aryn: GET ON WITH THE STORY!) **ok, so yeah.

"Duh, I'm filming 'Totally Edward' r-tard!" Said Ed.

"don't ever say that again." Said Havoc who just walked in to get a pack of cigarettes.

"Ed, you have no time for this. You still need to finsh your job of scraping Black Hayate off the ceiling from the incident in the first chapter." Roy pointed to the ceiling, where sure enough, Black Hayate was still plastered.

"Yeah, sure, whatever." Said Ed who was not really planning on getting the dog down anytime soon. So instead, he yanked Hayate off of the ceiling (along with a good chunk of the ceiling as well) and started out the door.

"Where is he going?" asked a very curious Alphonse.

"I have no idea." Answered havoc and Roy.

"AY! Where are my cigarettes? I neeeeeeeeed them!" Whined Havoc, sinking to the floor to sob his eyes out.

**(Peggy: tehe! –hides cigarettes behind back--)**

Meanwhile….

"hello, and welcome to the We Hte U dog pound! How may we be of service?" asked the dog pound employee who looked like she had plastic surgery 45,643,792,573,468.62 times too many.

"Um, yeah, I want to drop off this dog. He's covered in coke and mentos and serves of no use to me." Said Ed, handing over Hayate.

"Ok, we'll just put him right here." Said Ms. Plastic Surgery as she stuck the chunk of ceiling Hayate was stuck to into a place on her ceiling that had been ripped out by god knows what. "Now he is in a better ceiling. Oh, and By the way, I'm actually Paris Hilton. My dad was suddenly poor and I have to work. The male workers are so nice. But I've already got 2,000 babies inside me. Tehe."

"AHHHHHHHH PARIS HILTON! WHORE ALERT!" Shouted Ed and he killed her with some whore-be-gone mace. And she did the world a favor and died.

* * *

**Me: once again, sorry for it taking so long. Next update will come sooner, I promise! Well, I'm bored. What to do, what to do…I know! –dives off cliff- WHEEEEEEEEE! IT'S THE NEVER-ENDING DROP!**

**Aryn: that looks like fun…aw, what the heck. –Dives off cliff- WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! **

**Brandi: OH! CHECK MAR'S PROFILE, PLEASE! IMPORTANT (-ish) INFO! –shrugs and follows Aryn- BANZAIIIIIIIII!!!!!!**

**Peggy: -eating popcorn and watching-**

**Havoc: HEY! MAR! WRITE ME SOME CIGARETTES! –jumps-**

**Envy: OMG, I must kill this Author who is planning to make a habit of killing Adam Sandler! –jumps- COME BACK HEEEEEERE!**

**Rei: NO, WAIT MY LOVE! –jumps after Envy-**

**Roy: NO ONE CARES ABOUT ME! I'M GOING DOWN WOTH YOU! –dragges Peggy and jumps- **

**Peggy: PUT ME DOWN YOU BASTARD! **

**All of us: WE'RE FALLINGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!**

**Ayumi: Wait for me! –dives off cliff too-**

**Me: -shouting- REVIEW OR ELSE! **


	5. E is for Every Whore Goes to Jail

**QUACK EXPERIMENTAL FANFICTION PRESENTS:**

**A IS FOR ADD**

**Every Whore Goes To Jail**

**--still falling from cliff jump—**

**Roy: So, exactly how long is this fall?**

**Brandi: dunno.**

**Aryn: Hey Mar, did you hear about Paris Hilton? **

**Me: yeah.**

**Aryn: You should write a chapter on that! **

**Me: You're right! –pulls out laptop and starts typing- Whore goes to jail after driving without a license…**

**Peggy: How did you do that? We're falling through mid air and you pull a laptop outta nowhere! **

**Me: It's fanfiction. You can do that sort of stuff.**

**Rei: cool! Lemme try! –pulls out hammer—COOL! –proceeds to beat the shit out of Roy.**

**Roy: OWWWW!**

**Ayumi: WHEEEE! Falling from the cliff of doooom! **

**Me: well, time to start typing! –pulls out cheesy poofs and types while falling—**

**/\/\/\/\/\/\//\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/**

Paris Hilton was really drunk. And she was driving because she lacks brain cells let alone a brain to hold them. So she got her license taken away. But then she drove without a license so the cops found her and took her to jail. So she had to give up all her rich prostitute clothes to wear prison clothes. HAHA BITCH! So she is now in Jail. **(This is actually very true by the way.)**

Edward Elric put down the newspaper he was reading. He was glad that she was finally put away. But was slightly confused as to how she was put in jail because he killed her last chapter. But he brushed the thought away. He was currently trying to scrape Hayate off the pound's ceiling because he would be sued if he didn't.

Suddenly, Envy popped in and decided to dance to Michael Jackson music. Peggy, who was right behind him, ran him over with a bulldozer.

But what was going on in Mustang's office was a different story. Adam Sandler had just ran passed his office and he was sending all his offers to find him. They finally found him, but he hijacked a plane to Canada. When he got there, Aryn decided to cut down a tree for Christmas (Ignoring the fact that Christmas is 8 months away) and it fell on him so he died. Poor Adam.

Ling was just hired as a police officer. And was given the job of locking up all whores. So far he had Hilary Duff, Lindsay Lohan, Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen, and many others that I don't have time to name right now. So he was just patrolling the streets when along came Noa. She was put into a cell with Frankenstein who turned her into a zombie so she couldn't be a slut and had to live the rest of her life as a hideous ugly monster.

So, back to Ed. 'hmmmmm, I want some more coke and mentos…' he thought. So he got some more coke and mentos which resulted in the pound exploding and Hayate, now even more stuck to the ceiling, to fly out to Port Moresby. So Ed sent Rose out to go fetch Hayate for him. Rose, being the airhead that she was, was too dumb to know that there are cannibals in that country. So we won't be seeing him…I mean her anymore. (WHAT? Can you tell the difference?)

And yes, I am on crack. It's 11:30 PM and I am high on 5 cups of coffee. Tehe.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

**Roy:what was the point of that chapter? **

**Me: no idea. **

**Peggy: --is killed by Rei for hating Envy—**

**Me: Oh no, not again…HEY, WILL-CHAN! **

**Great Will of the Macrocosm: yes?**

**Me: can you put her through the reset cycle? –tosses Peggy into Will—**

**Great Will of the Macrocosm: Sure thing!**

**5 seconds later…**

**Great Will of the Macrocosm: One Peggy, coming up! –tosses Peggy out---**

**Brandi: THANKS, WILL-CHAN! **

**Envy: when does this fall end? **

**Aryn; NEVER! HAHAHA!**

**Brandi: I almost forgot! –summons Greed—**

**Aryn: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!**

**Greed: Hey, baby! –holds onto Aryn---**

**Aryn: GET OFF ME YOU BASTARD! **

**Ayumi and Rei: WE'RE STILL FALLING!!!!!! REVIEW PLEASE! **

**Me: …I swear, This fall has got to end someday… but until then! –pulls out TV and Tsubasa Chronicles DVD--. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW! –still falling while watching TV—**


End file.
